A letter [volume one]

Dearest,

I'm attending a funeral today.. a farewell to something as beautiful as the cyan sky seen through the ring in the stars. I feel immense sorrow, uncontrollable, irrepressible, and overwhelming. I feel a frigid pain, wounding, vindictive, and poisonous. My eyes are narrow. I'm trying to blind myself. I slept in my car this night previous, wrapped in a piece of cloth you gave to me. I was comfortably uncomfortable. I was snow. I felt more at home in that steel cage than I did my own house. I'm so worn down. I want to swim. At least long enough to escape everything and to live amongst the waves and the clouds, the mountains and plains, and myself. I'm so terrified of attending today. The sight of the casket of what was and what could have been is so frightening. It disturbs my heart to witness you there as well. I've been reduced to ash, and you to liquid. We both escape through the wind and rivers, flowing away from the ceremony in opposite directions. I am lost. The globe spins so fast that I am fixed, immovable through time. I'm hanging, suspended in this hopeless intimate feeling from yesterday and beyond. As I am writing this my fingers are becoming rigid and stiff, my eyelashes are falling out, my skin is wrinkling and and my bones are becoming an example of poor nutrition. I am having a heart attack. I am dying. I'm alone today, sitting in the front row, glancing at this intricate coffin and peering into the romantic bouquets of life and death. I am not religious. However I yearn for the escape to the gates where we can meet again in a place like Heaven after we are dead and forgotten. A vine of fruit and a loss of time, I'll miss you.

Love,

Nathaniel